I once went on a date to the zoo (random I know, but it was half way between where we both lived), I thought we had got on pretty well and we’d gone to the cinema after. I got a text when I got home to say “thanks for today, but you were fatter in real life than in your pictures so I don’t want too see you again”.
I once met a guy on MySpace and we had arranged to meet in the city, we met up and he said he just had to pop into HMV to get a CD (MySpace and CD’s- oh how times have changed!). Patiently waiting, I turned around to see where he was- but he had vanished. I then got a text to say that “I’ve seen you and i’d rather be in the pub with my friends”. Cheeky bastard had gone out of another exit and ran off. I’m not that bloody scary!!
Don’t get me started on the one where the dates mother’s dildo was in the fruit bowl in the kitchen !!!…..
Matt*, an old school friend asked if I’d be interested in a blind date with his friend, John*. Note: not technically blind as involved a great deal of FB stalkerage prior to date. I agreed. To which Matt replied with; he’s a good friend from university (already knew this due to aforementioned FB stalk), he lives in London now (knew this too), and he’s really desperate (?!). Cheers Matt.
Disclaimer; Matt met his long-term GF in GCSE Geography and so apparently has no idea how to speak to single women.
John and I met at Liverpool Station in an awkward muddle of a hug and a handshake. We walked over to a hipster-ish bar in Shoreditch where we ordered cocktails in jam jars. Conversation was pleasant, the usual small-talk (even if he was watching the football over my head for most of it). I asked how he and Matt had met; at Manchester University dressed as Minions. In turn, he asked me where I’d studied; Northumbria University.
He then ranted for 30 minutes about how he was much cleverer and employable than me because he went to a redbrick university. He did work in recruitment after all.
He text me the next day or so asking if I’d like to meet up again, and if I did it would need to be ‘super cheap or free because he had no money.’ Ker-ching. I pied him.
Having spent the last 20-something years waiting for a nice man to meet my eye in a bookshop, at the bar, or on the tube (spoiler: he never showed up), I had decided to give the whole love-at-first-swipe thing a go. I downloaded Bumble and spent the next 24-hours carefully creating a profile to attract my Mr Right. They say you have to kiss a couple of frogs first – I’m pretty confident that’s in the T&Cs of dating – so I braced myself for the army. One of them was Dan*.
We decided to meet on a Tuesday in June. I’d went for a few tinnies with my friends by Regent’s Canal for Dutch courage. London summertime is vibey; spoilt for choice for green spaces, rooftop hangouts, beer gardens, etc. Somehow – upon Dan’s recommendation – I spent the best part of the evening in an underground, dungeon-décor bar (spoiler: it was empty). I bought the first round. The chat was dull. He worked in data. I forget the rest.
I tried to bring the evening to a close, when he insisted he knew the BEST Chinese restaurant in town. So by 11pm, we’re standing outside a CLOSED sign at an average-looking Chinese in Leicester Square. Shame, I think (not).
I tried AGAIN to call it, but instead find myself at Empire Casino where Dan loses £20 in 2 minutes. I sip politely at the gin and tonic he ordered for me (despite our earlier discussion about how I dislike tonic), while he holds and kisses my hand like Gomez Addams. He tells me he’s never met anyone like me before. Right back at ya, Dan.
Finally en route, we catch the same northbound tube, and when he leaves he leaves a sloppy kiss on my lips. I look around the quiet tube carriage and catch an elderly lady’s eye. She shakes her head at me in distaste.
The worst part of it all is that – and I have absolutely no idea why – a week later I was sitting in that same casino for the second time that summer (and my life), watching Dan lose another £20, assuring myself that there would be no third date.
I met a lad on a night out and we exchanged numbers and met for a date about a week later.
We went for a couple of drinks and where getting along fine , then I suggested we play pool in the pub for a laugh.
I ended up beating him by complete fluke he got really salty and said hed better be making tracks home, I said ok and also drove home.
my phone text on the way back and when i got in , to my best friend who was baby sitting for me and read the text to her from the guy I’d been on a date with ” I’m sorry but I dont want to meet again you’re just not girly enough ”
We both laughed our heads off , he obviously didn’t like being beaten by a girl ha
I went on a date with one of my work colleagues friends. We went to a lovely Italian restaurant. All was fine at first until we bumped into his uncle and auntie. He then suggested to my horror that we eat with them. I can’t even describe how awkward it was. The worst part was my date clearly thought this was absolutely fine! He didn’t know me well enough to decide to make our date into a family night out! Then it got worse. The uncle decided to call his dad and invite him to the pub after. I felt so awkward but I felt I had to go. I spent the evening being told all of my dates embarrassing stories growing up. They even told me had a toe fungus problem. Yeah, didn’t see him again!
So I met a guy out on a summers boozy Sunday. He asked for my number and I gave him 10 digits… if he wanted to text me then he had to guess the 11th. Sassy I know ?
3 days later I get a message from him. I mean it took him a while but fair play,
We set up a first date on a Sunday. Nice brunch and some drinks in the sun. Very PG didn’t even kiss. Then a few weeks later we had a second date. And he literally said let’s just get drunk!
When we first met we had a glass of wine. Chatted… he asked weird questions like my views on drugs, if I was a bully at school… I just thought maybe he was nervous.
After our 1st drink our second was a shot. I literally drank soooo much I can’t remember too much apart from swiping a strangers face and shhhhhing them (rude I know but I got it from a film and doing it to friends we understand the reference) than then made him take me to McDonald’s where I ordered so much food including the classic 20 nuggets. As a gesture of live and drunken affection I would dip my nugget into the source, shove it in his face, shout bite and then eat the other half. To make matters worse I made friends with a random couple of girls were we shared her burger. Looking back I can see his disgust but at the time I was unaware.
After my binge he literally ordered an Uber. Looked at me. And whilst waving his palm in my face said “I’m sorry love I’m just not feeling this!”
I then told all my friends and family who now randomly will let me know they just are just not feeling this regularly !!!
Surprised that 2 weeks later he drop pinned his location when on a night out, maybe he was hungry and wanted nuggets again. Who knows?
Tinder date…(eye rolls…we all been there got the the tshirt)…… talking to this guy on tinder for a good week we got on like a house on fire…messaged for hours on end talking about random shit and some serious shit…..it all went tits up when we decided to meet…he told me he was skint because he just lost his job.i said ok we don’t have to go anywhere expensive, so we agreed. He then tells me he can drive but sold his car to help for uni…so I offered to drive…I have never stalled my car as many times with in a 19min drive before…gets to the pub and waits for the drink…the round is 6.00 something he pays with a tenner and then says to the guy he was only paying for his drink ? shock horror think my face said it all because he the note waiting…. goes outside to enjoy the Sun and we get on too the topic of Disney talk for about 2 hours then it’s time to take him home….after saying bye he was like I send you a pic of my mum’s Disney collection and I was ok…..I text him back as you do saying you had a good time blah blah blah and his response was sorry can’t see you again as you remind too much of my mum….save to say number blocked and deleted! I did say he reminds or the scream mask though ??