Never had a boyfriend

[Abs24Participant]

Hi I don’t know if you can help or not but I am 24 years old and never had a boyfriend I am quiet shy and not very confident so this does not help. I have tried dating websites but it just feels like to me I am chatting to people to make new friends and not get a boyfriend. Also I keep looking for single nights in my area but nothing. I have thought about asking friends to help but does this look desperate? I would love a boyfriend. Please help if you can thank you.

[BellaParticipant]

Hi Abs24 !

I replied to your other post but here it is again so other people can see it clearly too – and hopefully give you more advice! 🙂

I think that approaching online dating in a way that you are chatting to make friends, isn’t so bad! The best relationships start as friends anyway, also it makes the whole experience less daunting right?
Anyway, that aside, it absolutely does NOT make you look desperate if you ask your friends – I do this all the time! Lol! Not that mine are much use though…

Do you have any friends that are also single? I know it’s hard, but I think you really have to try and put yourself out there. I hate going on dates but I’m trying to look at each one as “practice” at the moment, much less pressure!

What I like to remember is that it is VERY rare for someone to be alone forever. You will find someone eventually but make sure it’s the right person for you! Don’t settle!

[K283Participant]

I know how you feel, except im 30 and still never had a boyfriend, I’m shy and really lack confidence.
I too joined POF but not really gone anywhere with it. Just don’t know where to start really.
What if I arrange a date, they think I’m too fat, boring, awkward silences etc. Prob scared of getting hurt too espesh when confidence is so low too.

[Becca3Participant]

@abs24 I agree with what @bella says. Using dating forums for chatting is a good place to start … it might be just what you need to build your confidence a bit. And you never know where chats and friendship will lead.

And it’s not desperate at all to ask friends to help! I, too, do it all the time … not that it gets me anywhere!!

I’m in a similar but very different situation to you … I was married at 21, had 3 kids with him, 12 years later he told me he’d been having an affair, left me and I was divorced by 34!! I’m now 36, lots of baggage, no single friends and very much lacking in confidence!!

I’ve tried online dating without much success … I think I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I just need to get myself out there and meet people. Do you have friends you could go out with? Even if they’re in a relationship I’m sure they’d still enjoy a night out with you! And a few pairs of eyes are better than one for man spotting!

Don’t settle, ever! Have fun looking … I’m sure your Mr Right is out there looking for you already x

[K283Participant]

It’s so hard isn’t it, I don’t really have many friends either so hoping this meeting dates online will really help me open up more and get more confidence. Just so hard when haven’t experienced anything before.

[Abs24Participant]

Thank you girls for all your help and advice. I might give online dating another try and see what happens. Yes I could ask my friends and see if they know anyone.

Some of my friends are single but some have partners. I don’t really know how to put myself out there to meet guys I would like to go on single nights but there are none in my area so I don’t know what to do for the best.

Thank you Bella it means a lot.

K282 that’s how I am I would never dream of approaching a guy to speak to them. It’s a big thing putting your heart online for someone you don’t know. I am sure they won’t think that at all. But these are some of my fears as well. I completely understand K283 I have a few friends but not loads. I hope it works for you and you meet someone. It is definitely I completely agree.

Thanks Becca3 this really helps. I will keep trying and keep looking. I am so sorry what happened to you. Yes I am with I don’t know if it would work but I will try. I have been on nights out before but most of the guys where drunk when I went out and how do you approach a guy when he is with his friends.

I really do hope so girls. Thanks again girls for the help and advice.

[Em82Participant]

@abs24 Are there any activity clubs or classes you can take in your area? If you attend something like this which isn’t all about finding someone but making a new circle of friends (and potentially meeting a nice guy), it would take the pressure off. You never know who you could meet and who they could introduce into your life.

My dad met his long term gf at a running club!

Em x

[Abs24Participant]

Thank you Em82 I am definitely going to look into this and see what activity clubs and classes are out there and join them 🙂 That would be so nice to make new friends and to see what happens. I would love something like that to happen to me. Xx

[K283Participant]

@abs24 getting your friends help and joining classes / hobbies is a good idea.
I need to look into doing something but I really don’t know what’s available or that I want to do yet.

I’ve been speaking to one guy from POF lately and on the phone a lot of nights too. Hopefully will meet up with him properly soon, he’s seen me before out with a friend which is a real confidence boost for me as I’m so insecure it’s good to know that he knows what I look like in person etc.
We get on well on the phone, not sure how suited we are but I think this is a good first step for me, confidence wise!

[HallenotberryParticipant]

It’s definitely not desperate to ask friends for help! Do you have any mates that are good wing women?
My friends have helped me massively with all kinds of relationship issues and we are wing women for each other whenever we go out. Including your mates takes the pressure off a bit.

Have a little flirt and chat over dating apps just to build your confidence 😊

And I agree with the other ladies getting yourself out there with classes/hobbies is a good place to start.
Good luck! Xx

[Abs24Participant]

Thank you Hallenotberry I have friends and I have asked my friends about if they know any single male friends and they have said no. We don’t really go out into clubs I have been out but all the guys I see are drunk. That’s really good. Yes I might give it another ago and see. Thank you so much 🙂

[whittle21Participant]

Hey!!
Don’t worry about not having had a boyfriend, I’m 27 and not had one. I always pick the guys that ‘aren’t ready’ or they are idiots 🙄!!
I seem to be on a 4 weeks curse atm meet someone (from online, I find it you speak to them for a while before you meet its a lot less daunting)then it just fizzles out. But I still haven’t given up, there’s someone out there for us all!!
And everyone is right don’t settle!
🙂
Xx

[Em82Participant]

Hi @whittle21,

I find the same. I think it’s because with dating apps you can be talking to so many people at the same time. Chatting away until someone you have been seeing turns into more or you like one more than the other so neglect one until something else fizzles out and then go back to them. Know what I mean? 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

Em x

[Abs24Participant]

Thank you whittle21 I think it’s hard because I have never been on date and I don’t really know how to get one. That’s a shame yes so do I but I don’t know where my guy is I wish we could find each other. I won’t give up.

[K283Participant]

So after chatting to someone for weeks and on the phone a lot it’s suddenly gone quiet this last week or so.
Hopefully it’s given me the push to go out there more tho and keep trying!

On my local FB group there’s a singles night at the end of the month id like to go to if I have the confidence to! I’m dont think I’m good at meeting new people tho as never dated so come across quiet and shy etc and everyone has more experience and confidence too as they have more of a past etc!

[Author]

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