Hello. I am here looking for help in the last place I thought i’d find it; the internet. But could Mr Right be in fact Mr Wrong? I have been seeing this guy for nearly two years. We get along amazingly, and he is also my bestfriend. But. There is always a but. Alot has went on with his family, that could not get used to him having a girlfriend, causing me to be pushed out. However, last year we both decided to go to uni. He decided a separate uni. So we were currently doing long dostance, seeing 1 day every two weeks. The lack of attention and affection has left me depressed. More so because when he is gone, he tells me he loves me and misses me, but it jusy doesn’t seem enough, like i need more than those three words? Most the time it feels like i am sharing him with his family, and that they come before me no matter what. It feels like uni also comes before me, as he has this picture in his head that it should be the best days of his life. He is also there for 5 year ( long fucking time ). We have currently broke up as i could not sit sad no longer, but also, i felt as though i have sacrificed alot not to atleast get a little bit of thought put into my valentines day gift ( i put alot of thought into his and in return he told me the day before he hadn’t got me anything yet and then proceeded to ask me wheres easiest to go) . So since we have broke up, it’s hard not to speak as we aren’t angry with eachother, and are super close. It just seems like life has got in the way. I shall also add that he is moving in with females this year at uni, who he doesn’t know and neither do i, so to me it’s a big thing, when we could have went to the same uni, and it would of been us two living together. We have no holidays booked, or events planned as he tells me he’s skint then spends £45 on a game. Maybe our maturity levels don’t meet? At the moment I am confused, as I do really want to be with him, but don’t know if it is just right person wrong time? Am I irrational to ask him to come see me every weekend when we only get one day together? ( i can’t go to him as i work weekends and he doesn’t have a job during term time ). Any advice would be helpful please, judgement not welcome.
Sorry you are feeling so down at the minute and that everything is against you two making it work. I know you love him but is he treating you like you should be treated by someone that loves you? From what you have written, it seems he is treating you as second best. Everyone deserves better than that.
You are at uni too and likely missing out as your mind is consumed by what he’s up to.
The thought of breaking up with him might make you sad but in the end it may feel like weight lifted off your shoulders?
If you want to make it work, have you sat and had a heart to heart?
Hello, thanks so much for replying. I am currently at home while travelling to uni, however, i am moving there this year so i can’t help but think it will get worse? When he changed his mind from the uni i am at to the one he is at now, it broke my heart. He made it sound like he was doing it for education however, he has told me he is unable to commit to coming to see me every weekend as he is scared of missing out. He plays rugby so thats what he does on the weekends we don’t see. Am i in the right to expect him to give that up? You are right i deserve to be put first, but is that impossible at this point in life? I feel as though the breakup has removed my feelings of constantly thinking about it, like how am i going to do this for five year, but even the thought of moving on makes me feel guilty. We have had about a million heart to hearts, it’s just all really confusing and knowing what is best, even if you do want to be together xx
This is a horrible situation and I’m sure you are constantly feeling anxious about the whole thing.
I agree with what “love” said above, you might feel better in the long run if you break up with him. Remember these things always seem so much worse at the beginning but as each day passes it gets so much easier.
It sounds like you are the one putting in all the effort at the moment and a relationship should definitely work both ways. I think you should start pulling away from this, you never know, it might make him realise what he’s lost too.
big hugs XX
Hi LollyLola! I know i should pull away anx make him realise what hes lost, but its hard when i’m not bitter. I just can’t help but blame myself and question am i asking for too much?
As he is at uni making new friends and likely being invited to social gatherings on the weekend, I think expecting to see him every weekend probably is a little unreasonable. You don’t want him to miss out and resent you for it. How about every other weekend and you take it in turns- you visit him, he comes to you. That way you are involved in his life at uni and won’t worry so much.
As you say, it could be the wrong timing for you both but if he really likes you he should take the time to comprise so you are both happy.
Hope you work things out.
Thank you! We have considered that, but it’s difficult when i have a job and he doesn’t, i wouldn’t expect every weekend if we had more time, but we literally get a day as he also has to see his family!
This felt like looking in the mirror! I feel your pain 100%, i wish i had some useful advice!!x
Well guys. Thought i’d keep you in the loop. Me and him were meant to be having a meal next week but now he’s said hes had a think and thinks we should be over for good! This was after i made a slight comment on all his plans getting cancelled at uni that weekend, wow really missed out on alot ?. And i’m guessing his parentd probs helped him make that decision. So my advice is follow your head not your heart ? xx
Aw so sorry to hear that. I know you really wanted to make it work. At least you can look back and know you tried.
I hope you are okay. We’re all here if you need us!
Yeah it was all very odd how he just decided to give up. But like i said he didn’t exactly beg for me back so i suppose it shows it all. Xx