Getting over the only guy you've ever really liked.

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Avatar LauraS 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #777
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    LauraS
    Participant

    So I feel like this is going to be a long one. I’m struggling to get over the only guy I’ve ever really liked, which considering he’s been a massive sod (putting it politely) is stupid as he’s done nothing but treat me like crap over the last few months. I don’t know if it’s because we work together or if it’s because I still like him (which I shouldn’t). This time last year he was a charming lovely guy and a very good flirt. I found out from someone else we work with that he’d asked if I was single, yet when I asked him about it his response was “I cannot confirm or deny this rumour” which annoyed me to begin with, he’s 27 and it annoyed me that I could never just get a straight answer from him. I pushed for it quite a lot, maybe a bit too much (maybe I pushed him away, but I don’t know). I trust the person who told me and someone from his department even told me he’d been talking about the fact I knew in the office, yet he still continued to deny that he was talking about me.
    He would talk to me, banter with me etc but all of a sudden he just flipped (almost like a switch) and stopped talking to me going as far as to barely even look at me. I suddenly felt invisible to him and almost like I was nothing to him, which sucked, especially as he’d asked if I was single. I’ve never had a boyfriend (I’m 24) and I’ve only ever been on 2 dates as most guys I seem to come across on dating sites seem to be after only 1 thing, and I’m not that type of girl. Eventually, he said he wasn’t looking for anything, he had an ex in the store and that he wouldn’t get with someone else from work, which was fair and I told him I respected it and that I hoped we could still be civil and talk to each other. I continued to try and talk to him every now and again but it got to a point where he practically cut me off, he stopped talking to me at work, doesn’t look at me and he even unfriended me on facebook (which I found really pathetic).
    I started to slowly get over him, if he’s not going to talk to me or even be civil why should I waste my time on him. However, a few months back his sheer ignorance massively pissed me off so I sent him a message basically laying myself on the line with how I’d felt about him and going on to display how shit I’d ended up feeling because of him. His response was that I’d sounded “Needy” and “obsessive” which really offended me. I wasn’t ether of those things and I was pissed that he didn’t seem to respect how I’d felt, he’s constantly denied ever asking about me or talking about me and I’ve since found out that a similar thing happened with someone else who used to work in my department, but before I started. It seems like him being an arsehole is the common denominator. Recently though, I’ve slipped back into the slope of thinking about him again which makes getting over him even harder. Sometimes I hardly think about him but sometimes I think about him a lot.

    How do you get over someone like this??

    ps…Sorry it’s so long.

    #782
    Avatar
    megalaaaaaarrrr
    Participant

    So I myself. Am basically being forced to get over someone. I’m 23 and I’ve been seeing guys before but noting that needed up being serious unfortunately. A few months ago I met a guy and we became really close really quick. Trying not to cry again as I type this. We’ve been so good for a while, we had one or two upset moments about his lack of effort sometimes but all was good until last Tuesday he messaged me and told me he was offered a job oppourtinity in Birmingham so understandably I was a bit upset so he has a bit of a tiff, he then didn’t speak to me for days, no messages nothing. I reached out this his close friend on advice and/or if he knew the reason why. He helped me as much as he could as and asked the guy to text me to which my guy replied ‘yeah I will’ so I held on to that because he hadn’t completely shut it down. I then found out from his friend who confessed that he should of told me earlier that my guy, was never actually single, he’d been with his ex (actual girlfriend) the whole time. I’ve honestly never felt so destroyed in my life. My mind is constantly circling what was lies and what was the truth. I’m in my head defending him like, his friend told me that his relationship with his ‘ex’ was toxic that they argued all the time and anytime he would try and leave she’d lie and say she was pregnant, I’m trying to understand why he did this by thinking is scenarios like ‘maybe he didn’t know hoe to way away from the toxic relationship and I came along at the wrong time and he got feeling for me and got in it way over his head’ but I don’t know, I refuse to believe he felt nothing for me, surely no one makes that much effort for no reason, people said it was jus about the sex, which I know it wasn’t as I made him wait ages and even then it’s not like he tried all the time so I know it wasn’t that, I’m the only person, aside from him who experienced how he was with me, he may have been lying to me but I don’t believe that who he was when he was with me is not who he actually is. He’s younger so he’s clearly immature, but the silent treatment has killed me, I’ve begged and I’ve begged for him to talk to me and tell me but nothing. I just have to assume it’s over all whilst knowing I wasn’t the only one 😭 I can’t sleep properly I can’t eat, like I feel achy, like I have a hole in my chest, I cry constantly and the worst part is, I miss him sooo much, I would do anything for him to hold me right now. I feel like that’s because we haven’t spoke, he’s not said it’s iver and I haven’t seen him since it’s been over, the last time I saw him was last Sunday when I took him out for a bday meal and we were both happy, we’ve gone from that to this. I miss him like mad when I know I shouldn’t, and I’m a mug by saying this but if he came over now and said sorry and begged for me I’d take him back. I can’t help feeling this way, I know I’d never trust him again but I miss him more than anything. So Friday just gone before I found out he had a girlfriend, I was going to go up town for a night out (he works at a bar I go to) so I thought you know, can’t ignore me to my face, this is my opportunity! And his friend called me before I went out and said that my guy had gone in, fell out with his boss, handed in his keys and left, so there went my chance 😒so now not only is he going to take this new job away, I will never see him again. Every girl wants that moment when she’s feeling better to show the guy what’s he’s missing, if he worked at that bar I would have gone out in a few weeks, and showed him to feel better about myself, but he doesn’t work there now so I wont see him ever again probably. The biggest thing I wanted at first was answers, now if anything, I just want him to hurt like I am, even a small amount, people can say he didn’t care about me, but I don’t believe it and I believe that although he can do this to e that he must feel a tiny bit hurt cause he knows he lost a good one, I did so much for him, like a lot, he made so much effort at the start, and had even said personal things like he went to visit his grandparents graves and talked about me and how amazing I am, I’m strong willed, I know what I want in life etc. I just don’t want to feel like my entire happiness was a lie, he had to have felt something, I wish I could explain what he was like with me, and the messages I have prove he can’t have faked completely, even if it was for the wrong intentions, I look at photos of me and him and he looks so happy. I don’t get how I’m supposed to just move on when I was never even told its over, never spoken to after we were happy, and he doesn’t even know I know about the girlfriend, she knows about me tho because his friend told her as well as me. But apparently he’s spoke to her twice and they are over, but why don’t I get spoken to? Apparently because they need to be civil because SHE WORKED AT THE BAR WITH HIM, like I’ve been on nights out and he’s kissed me on the bar and everything, I’ve probably seen her at some point. Crushed does not even describe how I feel right now. I need help, I feel beyond destroyed and just don’t know what to do anymore. It’s killing me not being able to talk to or see him.

    #783
    Avatar
    LauraS
    Participant

    😔 That’s so shit, it must be so horrible. I can’t believe he also strung you along when he was supposedly with someone else. That’s so wrong and it’s really bad for the other person as it means they’ve been cheated on too. Not saying it’s over as well just strings you along even more and it’s not right. I still don’t know how to get over a guy or how I feel about them. I’m still thinking about the guy I talked about too, and now he’s back with the ex (the one from in store) and she has a child and he was outside work the other week havong a fag break and they were right in my eye line playing happy families where I could see, he told me last year that he wouldn’t get with someone else in store because he didn’t want to rub it her face (the exes face), surely I deserve the same level of respect. And even worse, he’s been in trouble with the law and that’s not the sort of lowlife behaviour I (or anyone) need in my life yet he’s still on mind all the time. It drives me crazy that I can’t stop thinking about him.😑 You dated your guy so it must be so much harder. Perhaps you could try reaching out some how, even if it’s via message just to make him aware of how he’s made you feel, even if he doesn’t respond or responds like a dick, you’ve still got your feelings off your chest. 🙂

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