Sweet or a psycho?

A little about me… My name is Beth, and I have been single for a very long time. I used to tell my friends all of my dating stories and they always used to respond with “You could write a book about this stuff Beth”, so I decided to go start writing it all down. Although amusing to hear, these dating dramas are accompanied with crippling anxiety on my part, so to combat this I started crafting, and thankfully it helped me a lot. I hope you find some comfort in my writing and crafting projects.

 

Now I want to start by saying that I don’t condone using the word “psycho” to make fun of someone’s emotions. However, the word is thrown about so much nowadays as a way of describing dating behaviour and was something that I really wanted to address on my blog.

 

Serena Williams was in a Nike advert earlier this year following her outburst at the US Open final. The advert highlights an issue that women are labelled as “crazy” for showing emotion during a competitive sport. Serenas words really stuck with me, “If we show emotion, we’re dramatic. When we stand for something we are unhinged. If we get angry, we are hysterical, irrational or crazy”. Now this, as you can imagine made me think about dating and how many times I’ve been called or heard others called a “psycho” by a date, boyfriend or husband. “Oh, she’s sweet but a psycho…”.

 

So, hands up, single or not, if you have been called a “psycho” at some point in your life by a husband, boyfriend or guy that you were dating?

 

As always, I have my own personal example. I’ve dated dickheads to give you guys some good content (I know I’m so kind). So, during a text conversation with a guy I had become emotionally involved with for about 4 weeks, we were talking about our types. His reply was “I always go for psychos”. I repeat, “I always go for psychos“. Now this is really important to remember for the next bit.

 

THE NEXT DAY (no Joke) I found out he had a girlfriend!

 

Now, in my eyes, if I were to go “psycho” on him, I think I would have every right. I’m emotionally invested in this and you’ve made me look and feel like an idiot! I felt so anxious and confused about how to approach this issue. If I get upset and send him an angry message i.e show emotion, is he going to put me in that category too? Next time I walk in the pub and see him sat with his mates, are they going to start whispering “there she is, Miss Hysterical”.

 

Do you think for one minute, this guy ever questioned himself like I had done? Do you think he ever considered that the reason the girls he dated were “psycho” were because he was a cheating bastard whose brain was in his trousers? Probably not.

 

I am in dating respects, very calm.  My friends actually tell me I need to be more forward when a guy screws me over. It took me over 24 hours to send this guy a message, politely asking him if he has a girlfriend with a little smiley face emoji on the end. I decided that screaming in his face wasn’t going to make him question his actions, instead I talked to him about it. Tried to guide him into the direction of ‘oh yeah that was a dick move’. Now whether it went in, whether he reflected on it or considered his actions are another thing. But I can damn sure rest easy knowing he has absolutely no ground to call me ‘irrational’, ‘crazy’, or ‘psycho’. All words which are inappropriate and a childish way to insult a woman’s emotions.

 

Another example is one of my lovely friends called me a few months ago and talked me through a dating drama she was having. She had been on a few dates with a guy from Tinder, they had spent a lot of time together and by her judgement they were emotionally involved. But as most tinder fairy tales end, he suddenly became distant, messages were short and less frequent, but he was still there, hovering in the background. Now my friend called me to explain this and asked me what she should do. This was her dilemma:

  • Does she continue to message and meet up, even though his attitude towards her had changed. She could keep it going even though he wasn’t making her feel good. But she liked him, so why rattle the cage? She doesn’t want to come across as a “psycho”.
  • Or does she tell him he is making her feel unwanted and risk putting her emotional self forward, potentially coming across a little but hysterical. In his eyes he’s messaging her back, what’s the problem?

My friend went for the second option (wise choice) and made it clear to him that she may sound “like a girl” (what does that even mean?!) but the way he was acting was not how she deserved to be treated. HILARIOUSLY he tried messaging her again a few week later. She was having none of it- right on babes!

 

So, I suppose my reason for writing this was to raise this misconception some men (I know it’s not all of you) have on women’s emotions. Yes, we are emotional. But most of the time, it’s for a reason. In my cases, it’s been for lack of communication, or commitment, or the fact that they have lied to me. If a friend of family member did anything like that I would react in the exact same way. And it doesn’t matter how long I have known you, if I like you, even a little bit, I will feel an emotion if something happens that might stop me liking you.

 

Girls, we should stand up for ourselves and feel comfortable showing emotion in an emotional situation, without being labelled or ridiculed. Boys, if you don’t already, show some compassion for those emotions and TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT. It usually means we dig you.

 

Thanks for reading,

B xxx

 

You can read more like these on my blog; https://makingflowersintherain.wordpress.com/

 

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