Like to date your mate?

They know everything about you: have seen you lounging around in sweats without make up on; you’ve told them all about the dates you’ve been on, the action you are getting (or not). It’s your best man friend.

Have you caught yourself checking them out and maybe even fantasied about your friendship developing into something more? Have you contemplated telling them how you feel?

Assuming the feeling is mutual, there are some factors to consider before turning your friendship into something more tangible.

 

Friends First

Depending on how close your friendship is, a rookie attempt at a romantic relationship could jeopardise what you had in the first place. You never know whether boyfriend Ken is going to be as fun as friend Ken. When you develop feelings, it opens the door to thoughts you’d not had previously, such as; who are they texting, who’s he talking to, is he seeing anyone else, is he happy we gave it a go? These musings are hard to reverse if you try to go back to just being mates.

 

Your friendship Circle

Your relationship doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s not only your friendship that would be affected. If you are part of a bigger social group, it could make things seriously awkward. You never know how your mates are going to react. They could feel threatened by the idea of your group dynamics changing. Unless of course your inner circle saw this coming and are relieved you two finally saw the light! Perhaps it would be a good idea to keep things under wraps until you know where you both stand.

 

The Elephant in the Room: Sex

If you guys have never had a cheeky frisson you may find it a little weird between the sheets. A guy who you possibly once saw as a brother leaning in close for a kiss may freak you out. However, if you have always been sexually attracted to one another and you’ve been trying to ignore a spark between you, you could be on to a passionate winner – lucky you!

 

A Whole Lot of History

A friendship that blossoms into more sounds beautiful on paper, but as long time friends you would have heard all the details of each other’s previous one night stands, heartbreaks, partners and all sorts of fruity goings on. In normal girl-meets-boy scenarios, neither of you would know all the sordid details of past lovers. This could taint your view on their dating potential. Should you guys chose to proceed, be sure to erase the details from your memory and try to start with a clean slate.

 

Make a Date

It would be easy to slip into “dating” without actually dating since you know each other so well already. You will also likely know one another’s families so everything could get very comfortable quickly. Ensure you make the effort to go out on proper dates and put a hold on joint family time together as if you would in a normal early relationship.

 

If you can’t quite suss out if the feeling is mutual but your attraction is strong, pluck up the courage and tell them. Otherwise you’ll always wonder, “What if?”. Here are some pointers:

  • Make sure they are completely single. If not, even if he’s up for it, it could start off complicated and messy. Plus you don’t want to begin things as the other woman.
  • Make sure the environment and timing is right. A drunken slur may not be taken seriously and a spur of the moment, “Can I talk to you?” could catch them completely off guard and really intensify the situation. Find a moment where you are left organically alone and both in the right frame of mind.
  • Step up the flirting. Don’t go down the route of winking and squeezing his bum style tactics. Instead, play a subtle game with lingering eye contact, smiling and delicate touching to get his attention.
  • Casually move the conversation onto the dating topic and mention you haven’t found any potentials. Make it clear that you are single. Tell him playfully, “Maybe you should take me out?”. His response to this will speak volumes. He will either laugh it off or snap you up!

 

Good luck and don’t forget to share with us!

DMW x

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