Drunk texting

Our mobiles should have built in, “Don’t use your phone you are wasted,” sensors which shuts them down as soon as our fumbling fingers and vodka breath start sending seriously misspelled texts and leaving slurry voicemails.

You know the drill… you start the evening promising you won’t make any contact with your ex, or the new man on the block. After a couple of beverages your inhibitions start to evaporate, the phone is out of the bag checking for any contact on his end. Nothing. A quick scroll down your contact list to his name… shall I?

You decide no, sod him, the evening rolls on, more drinks are had, friends are starting to mingle with some guys but you are completely distracted with the man already on your mind.

You’ll find yourself in the loos squinting at your phone. The thoughts and feelings that have been playing on your mind recently want to pour out, but whether these are declaring love or heartbreak these are best not expressed when intoxicated. The main reason for this is that when you are drunk, you have no filter. What. So. Ever. It seems like a GREAT idea at the time though.

To help elaborate further here are examples of the calm, breezy sober texts next to the desperate, inebriated embarrassments:


New man in your life

Sober you: “Hey babe, I hope you’re having a wicked night!” – Breezy

Drunk you: “I thought I’d have heard from you tonight. Where are you?” – Desperate

Sober you: “Out with the girls tonight. Maybe bump into you later.” – Breezy

Drunk you: “I’m out with the girls. where are you? We’ll come find you.” – Desperate


The ex

Sober you: “It’s a shame things didn’t work out between us. I still think of you often and hope you are happy.” – Breezy

Drunk you: “I miss you so much it hurts. Why don’t you fucking love me?” – Desperate

Sober you: “It’s weird without you, feels like something is missing.” – Breezy

Drunk you: “I’m not bothered at all that you don’t want to be with me, loads of fit blokes out tonight!” – Desperate

Notice the difference?

Waking up with a killer hangover and the realisation sweats is the worst.

There is nothing you can do to erase the damage that has been done. It’s no use calling your phone provider begging them to delete sent messages or voicemails – no can do. If only the Men in Black’s Neuralyzer pens had been invented so you could erase his memory.

To prevent this pain, the options are as follows:

  1. Leave your phone at home – if you don’t have the self destruct device with you then there are no regrets to be had.
  2. Give your phone to a friend – if it’s in their handbag it can’t be in your hand when you get the urge to make contact. Make sure you brief your friend to not give it to you UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
  3. Switch your phone off – hopefully you get bored waiting for it to come back on again.
  4. Delete his number – write his number somewhere and then remove it from your phone. This includes the deletion of all phone records or received texts that will include his number.
  5. Blame it on a friend – the oldest trick in the book. It wasn’t me, my mate nicked my phone etc etc. Disclaimer: He probably won’t believe you.
  6. Face the aftermath – it’s done. There is nothing you can do. Cry, scream, laugh and remember this feeling the next time you decide to text your Mr.

What messages have you ladies sent that you really regretted?



(Image via GIPHY)


  • Avatar Vicky says:

    Oh god. The ex text.
    You know the one. Split up. Have a few drinks, then you decide you a) either you need to carry on the disgust of the breakup, chapter & verse. b) or the declaring all love, passion & regret.
    Yep done them both. Take that phone off me!

    • Avatar Faye says:

      Dam right! Years ago my friend and I turned our phones off and gave them to one another so we couldn’t text our exes. At the end of the night we were so smashed that we swapped phones back. I couldn’t remember my pin and pukked my phone! (Remember when you could do that?). At the time I was so annoyed but very grateful by morning! ?

  • Avatar lov3r says:

    I should of read this last night!!!!!!! ??‍♀️

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