Where do I stand?

Have you ever been dating someone (or at least, think you are dating someone) but really have no idea what’s going on or where you stand? You’re too scared to ask the question because, as a girl, heaven forbid you come across as being needy. We’re all trying to get along at the beginning of these relationships in our “breezy” laid-back way. And for the most of it, we can continue. It’s just when the guy we are dating makes it difficult to stick to it.

Maybe you’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks, but you haven’t got to that stage of really planning ahead because nothing is official. I have a few friends that have begun relationships with people that may live an hour or so away from them. Obviously, this makes the whole thing even harder and sometimes it becomes more about sex than building a relationship.

You might be having fun with each other when you’re together and maybe you can really see it going somewhere. The problem is, nothing is voiced from either of you. Most of the time it’s us waiting for the guy to bring up the “where it’s going” subject.

So how do you know if it’s worth pursuing and he isn’t just in it for the guaranteed sex? (to caveat, it’s fine if you are also in it for this reason).

Personally, I think there are various signs such as the below:

  1. You actually do things together. Go out for dinner, go for drinks, cinema etc. and you aren’t just spending the whole time together in the bedroom (don’t get me wrong, this can be fun, but if you want more than this then be sure you are getting the other things too).
  2. When you aren’t together his messages revolve around many topics and not just when he’s going to see you naked again.
  3. You aren’t just providing him a place to stay when he’s been out drinking – otherwise known as a booty call!
  4. He’s met your friends and you’ve met his friends. If a guy is looking for more than a regular shag then he’ll happily introduce you to his friends and meet yours.

For me, the above are the main pointers but we aren’t limited to these.

I think you must go by your gut feeling. If you really feel confused about where you are heading and how he is feeling then the reality is probably that it’s going nowhere. When it’s right, it shouldn’t be difficult. I think the best approach is to be honest, tell him that you feel like perhaps you are both looking for different things. If you are wrong and actually, he really is into you but he was just worried that you didn’t feel the same way, then great, this is the nudge he needs to let you know! If he agrees with you that you want different things then there’s your answer. Move on.

I strongly believe that there is someone out there for all of us. You must have enough respect for yourself and know your worth before the right person can come into your life. It’s hard, but try not to waste your time on someone that doesn’t deserve you, no matter how much you think you like then at the time.

J@DMW X

 

 

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